“Oh, how I wish I had said that differently!” I moaned to myself after addressing an issue with a friend. Over and over, I replayed the conversation, and each time it “bit again.” I was being eaten alive by regret and remorse.
Wrongdoing often leads to regret and even remorse but not always repentance. Regret is that painful longing to change a decision, often accompanied by self-blame, that stems from wishing one had done something differently. Remorse — a deep regret and guilt for a wrong committed — often accompanies regret. The term originates from Latin remordēre (“to bite again”), suggesting a conscience that torments or “bites”. Regret is self-focused while remorse is outward-focused accompanied by a desire to make amends. Regret focuses on personal loss, whereas remorse focuses on moral responsibility.
Two men in the narrative of Jesus’ crucifixion both experienced immeasurable regret and remorse. One led to repentance and life. The other led to self-penitence and death. Peter and Judas Iscariot both deeply admired Christ. Both were called by Him. Both followed Him. Both disappointed themselves and Jesus profoundly. Peter by denying Him. Judas by betraying Him.
Judas Iscariot had been the treasurer for the ministry, which meant Jesus and he had a close working relationship. On the night Jesus was betrayed, He stepped forward to greet Judas with these words, “Friend, why have you come…?” (Matthew 26:50a HCS) The word “friend” in this verse is hetaíros meaning a companion, a comrade, a confidante, or an enjoyable friend. Hence, the sickening betrayal was all the more poignant.
It is important to note the timing of Judas’ approach of the chief priests to betray his Master. It was immediately after the woman broke an alabaster jar of fragrant oil over Jesus’ head. The disciples were indignant thinking it was a waste and could have been sold and the money given to the poor. After Jesus commended the woman for what she did, Judas went to the chief priests and inquired, “What are you willing to give me if I hand Him over to you?” (Matthew 26:15a HCS) Knowing that Judas stole monies from the disciples’ common purse, it would be easy to believe that Judas would have pilfered some of the monies from the oil had it been sold. Instead, he acquired 30 pieces of silver from the chief priests for the betrayal of Jesus.
Peter, the most impetuous of the disciples, was also the most adamant that he would never deny Jesus. “Even if everyone runs away because of You, I will never run away!” (Matthew 26:33 HCS) Later that night, he denied knowing Jesus three times, cursing and swearing with an oath, “I do not know the man!” When he realized what he had done, he wept bitterly.
Both men had opportunity to repent for their actions. Judas, being full of remorse, returned the 30 pieces of silver, but the chief priests wouldn’t have it. Instead, Judas threw the silver into the sanctuary and left and hanged himself. Even giving the money back did not expunge his evil deed. He did not wait to confess it to the only Person who could forgive him — Christ Himself.
Peter, also filled with remorse, stayed with the other disciples. After Christ’s resurrection, an angel told the women at the tomb,“But go, tell His disciples AND PETER…” (Mark 16:7a HCS) Peter was singled out perhaps because he no longer considered himself a disciple. Later, when Jesus appeared to the disciples, Peter was singled out again, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” Peter was grieved that He asked him three times. Three inquiries for three denials. Peter’s response sealed his repentance and forgiveness, “Lord, You know everything! You know that I love You.” (John 21:17b HSC)
Reflection: Rather than being devoured by regret and remorse for bad choices, we can be restored with forgiveness from God and from ourselves and be given a clean slate for a new beginning.
~ Janet Mueller, writer
~ Danyelle Yoder, visual artist
