I don’t mind being alone and doing things by myself, because I know Jesus is always with me, and He always has exciting adventures for me. So, I very seldom feel lonely. I like being around people, and I also like to see and learn all I can while I can. I know this life is short, and there’s so much in this world that is utterly fascinating.
I was a single mom for eight years and had built a strong, adventurous relationship with Jesus, who is and always will be my #1. Then He introduced me to a strong, sweet man of God who was willing to be my #2. We had 33 wonderful years together when, on April 5, 2024, my #1 and #2 got together and made me a widow. I never asked, “Why me?”, because I know my life is in God’s hands and it’s about more than just me. I’ve learned that God’s plans are always the best.
I usually try not to feel sorry for myself, but I never dreamed widowhood would be so debilitating. I am determined to GROW through it and not just GO through it. Sometimes I get concerned about being too busy to focus on growth, but I definitely don’t want to get STUCK in grief and miss out on the rest of MY assignment here. My husband completed his, now I need to complete mine, whatever it is and however long it is. Some of us seem to breeze right through, while many struggle at various levels, and some never recover.
I believe that other widows and widowers need to live in fellowship with others, especially younger people who could benefit from what we’ve learned. This might help them avoid bumping their heads on the same rocks we did. I don’t know how I would’ve made it this far without Jesus and all the lovely younger people He has brought into my life to love and encourage me.
We all make choices. When I became a widow, I chose not to become a hermit. I’ve not been one to isolate, at least not for very long and without a good reason. I try to use solitude as an opportunity to rest, reevaluate, and formulate a strategy to move forward from where I am. That usually doesn’t take me long, because I tend to be a doer, not a spectator. My thought is that people who are lonely either don’t know how or where to reach out to others, or they are afraid to because they fear rejection.
For me, the fear of rejection means there’s insecurity or low self-esteem. I’ve been there myself. But once I found Jesus, and He showed me who I am in Him and who He created me to be, most of my shyness, insecurity, and low self-worth vanished. I became more confident and began to actually like who I was becoming. I discovered that my identity was not reliant on anyone else’s opinion of me, except for the Lord’s.
I believe, if you rightly evaluate who you are and are at ease with the Holy Spirit leading you, you will be comfortable whether alone or with people. If you don’t want to be alone, you can choose to find ways to connect with people. I have been known to just get out of the house and go to the store without needing to buy anything. I strike up conversations with people I encounter. If someone is walking out of the store, I’ll smile at them, and most of the time they smile back. It may be the only time someone smiled at them that day. To a young mother with a sleeping baby in her cart, I can make a quick comment on how precious the baby is, and that may just make her day. A frazzled cashier can get a reassuring smile and a calm statement from me encouraging them to take a deep breath, they are doing okay, and they’ll be fine. Going out and looking for people who need to be seen and encouraged does wonders for loneliness.
There are also a myriad of clubs and groups to join. Who wouldn’t want a group of like-minded people to hang out with who have common interests? For me, if you are able-bodied, loneliness is a state of mind and a choice. And if, or when, we aren’t able to get out and about, we can visit with people anywhere from the comfort of our couch or even our bed with the technology we have now. Phone calls, especially video chats, can do wonders for loneliness as well.
So my view on being alone and being lonely is that they are two different things and you have a choice…choose wisely.
~ Rose Lehman, writer
~ Danyelle Yoder, painter, danyelleyoder.com
